Yeah sure, a free dive from the stratosphere has been done before. But not like this. You see Felix Baumgartner had a parachute AND a pressure suit AND only did it once. Brookvale Union has successfully collected every last pair of those ridiculously awesome but totally impractical coiler elastic shoelaces and will be double knotting them together in hope to bungee from the same height in space in nothing but a pair of leopard-print budgey smugglers . We got a bunch of scientists in a room (well just a few people who wear those round frame trendy glasses) and they have assured us that if tied tight we could potentially maybe but quite possibly reach the earth and recoil back into space for a second go at it. Take that Baumgartner. Or plummet to our death. But we’re just focused on the first one.

You know that scene from the Shining where Danny has that eerie vision of that creepy dude saying “How’d you like some ice cream, Doc?”. Well we spoke to Danny. Apparently, the vision wasn’t creepy at all. In fact, it was a futuristic vision that involved rooftop bars, lasers, funky tunes and coincidentally; Brookvale Union. He saw delicious alcoholic ginger beers being slung to earthlings who looked as if to have bobble head syndrome. Danny mentioned a name too. It was….ICE CREAM FACTORY. PERTH. DECEMBER 2018.